A Happy Boy

Day 169:

It's truly amazing to see how far you've come, Conor.  And I know, I know, I know - you've not yet begun to fight!  And certainly I'm to be impressed with every little thing.  After all, you are my only child and a child is, without question, any person's most crowning achievement.

Lately I've had some time to think and to take stock in the man that I am as well as to wonder about the father I'll become.  I'm acutely aware of my shortcomings and will boastfully reveal those; I'm not a man of incredible pride.  If I believe a flaw can be fixed by simply having a conversation, I'll gladly do so.  Conversely, I'm keenly aware of my strengths - some of which sit right out in the open, others are more benign and thus hidden.  But I know them.  And I believe I know how those strengths and weaknesses will manifest themselves when it comes to you and my being a good Dad.

I've heard from numerous people with children both young and old, you'll forever second guess yourself when it comes to child rearing.  Every decision carries with it a direct impact to the boy you'll be as well as the man you'll become.  And I've no doubt that's a self fulfilling prophecy.  Truly...  However, I also believe people who are raising children or who have raised children, do so with the quiet courage of their convictions... Meaning, they're brave enough to do what's right despite the pressure to do something that's not.  Parents believe in their decisions at the time they're made.  Some decisions are made once and they're final.  Others are made over and over again.  Conviction...

I believe my parents made all the right moves when it came to me and my Brother and Sister, Son, even if they don't.  I believe that I'm the man I am today based on those things and that nothing about my life could or should be different than it is today.  And I'm not a wise man, Conor.  By all accounts, I'm still young and eagerly have much to learn.  Though I am determined, Son.  I am steadfast in my beliefs.  I know my strengths are incomparably strong and my weaknesses are out in the open, but I can shield them if need be.  And I now know what my Mother, your Mom-Mom, means each time she says "I only want you to be happy."

I truly get that now, Conor.  I only ever want you to be happy.  And you will have cloudy days, Boy.  We all do.  Something as simple as a meeting not going as planned to something as complex and as difficult as managing your emotions when we say a final farewell to a friend or loved one.  But life is not about the cloudy days, Boy'O.  Life is about the next day.  Life is about how you respond to the bumps in the road. Life is about happiness, Son.  And you are a happy boy.  It's my job to see to it that you stay that way...

I love you, Conor.  You're the happiest boy I know... Thanks for that.
-Dad

Tattoos and Memories

Day 168:

A dark and stormy night gave way to a a bright and airy warm day, Conor.  Fortunately for me I've had plans to get your "Lion" tattoo finished for weeks now, so I was able to cut out of work early, hustle home to get our bike, and head out into the afternoon sunshine for a short ride into Fairfax.  Once there I would meet my new friend and tattoo artist, Chris Hewitt, at Patriots Tattoo to get through yet another painful phase of the cover up of a tattoo I've had for 23 years...

It's coming along though still not finished yet.  Seems I'll need one more sitting / a couple hours to get it all done.  Though when it's done it's going to something else, Son.  I like how it's coming along and I suppose I should because it's going to be there for as long as remain in this mortal coil...

As for you, well Son, you were a treat today... I'd mentioned yesterday that you're coming back around to the kid you were before you caught a cold... Seems now you're actually better than before!  All morning long, as well as when I'd returned home, you were smiling and giggling and chatting up a storm!!  Each day seems to bring with it a new gift when it comes to you, Lion Heart.  I can hardly stand how handsome you are, and each time you look me in the eyes and smile I'm frozen like a deer in headlights, unable to move until your gaze passes me by.  Truly mesmerizing.

Tomorrow it's back to work for me and school for you and the promise of another bright new day, Son.  If I'm fascinated by you today, I can only imagine what tomorrow holds...

I love you, Conor.

-Dad

Steamy Days

Day 167:

Summer came roaring in with a blast of hot air, Conor.  The last four days have been as hot as any we'll have throughout the Summer months and with that, some good with the bad...

The good?  Summer is HERE!  It's not my favorite season but a close second! (I love Autumn in Virginia, Son)  And for you, the warm air has really done the trick on clearing that cough and cold of yours, Boy'O.  You seem to be well on the mend and in fact, these last two days you've been much more your jovial, boisterous self.

The bad?  We live in a 26 year old narrow townhouse with possibly the worst insulation for combatting the heat.  The house is warm in the Winter, but just will NOT stay cool in the Summer.  I believe the way the narrow, yet long, house was built simply acts like a heat flume, funneling every bit of warm air to the top floors.  That, coupled with cathedral ceilings and almost no insulation, quite simply equals a very warm bed chambers...  So far it's not seeming to bother you all that much... With your fan on full go it still feels cool, despite your grow egg telling us it's 79 degrees!  None the less, you seem comfortable - for now - and that's all that matters.

The heat wave appears to be dissipating however, giving way to temperatures in the high 70s and low 80s and for my liking, that'll be just fine, thank you.

Yes sir, Summer is here and with it, so will be days spent at the pool with you, getting you acclimated to swimming even that much more... A task I take on gladly, Son.  I'm quite keen of the idea of you becoming the next Michael Phelps!

That's all for tonight, Son.  Sleep well and don't let the heat get to you - for if it does, well, I don't suppose there's much more I can do...

I love you, Conor.
-Dad

Summer has Arrived

Day 166:

First things first - to all of you reading this blog so faithfully, first I'd like to say, "Thank You".  Your commitment to reading it is as much a driver for me to honor my promise to Conor and to not miss a day of adding a new entry.  I truly appreciate it.  That said, I'd like to apologize for publishing that piece of whale flop I threw up last night.  After two days of hard riding and hard partying I could hardly keep my eyes open, let alone write legibly and in complete sentences.... It was a sorry excuse for a blog entry and so I've fixed it.  Please re-read yesterday's piece and I assure you, you'll see at least a few more coherent thoughts, as well as a new picture!

As for today, well, today was a hot one, Conor.  The day started a bit hazy and with far more work to do then I ever would have anticipated.  After hosting such a large outdoor party there would be plenty to clean up, Conor.  And considering I didn't feel all that well (for reasons I'll discuss with you in 21 years), it made for a long morning.  But more than that, Son, the day brought with it heat in the mid 90's with a "real feel" of over 100 degrees!  Oppressive!   Still, in sticking with tradition the whole family would attend the Memorial Day Parade in Falls Church City with your Uncle Paul, Aunt Jen, Mr Rob, Ms Jessica, Nathan, and Andrew.  And frankly, I really was looking forward to that time...

After seeing your Uncle Scotty and Mr Bear off on their bikes I ran upstairs to shower in preparation for the day.  Not 5 minutes out of the shower I was covered in sweat again...  It was THAT kind of hot, Son. Humid, sweltering heat without a cloud in the sky.  Still, a small shade tree and a blanket in the grass, and you were just as happy as anybody else at the parade; despite the heat.  Immediately following we went back to the cool air in the Landers for, you guessed it, more beer!  Hair of the dog and all that (again, 21 years, Son).  It was an enjoyable and easy day, even in spite of Summer's eager arrival.

Not much more to report, Conor.  It's about time I take my weary body to bed and hope I'm up on time for work tomorrow!

I love you, Son.
-Dad

Thank You

Day 165:

Memorial Day Weekend is a very special day and for a number of reasons, Conor.  It's a weekend when we ride to remember, and it's a weekend when we vow to not forget.  And no, they're not the same thing.

In fact, your very existence is based on that of your Mother's military upbringing with Grandpa K9, a now retired officer for the fiercest fighting men and women in the free world - The United States Marine Corps.

Your Mother's life in the military started very young, with hardships befalling she and MeMeow from when she was just three years old.  You see Son, your paternal Grandfather and namesake, Dan "Doc" Dougherty, USMC, was taken from us while flying his F4 Phantom on a training HOP in Arizona in 1977.  Memeow would be a widow with a three old child and living miles from her family home in New Jersey.  A taxing time indeed...

Sometime later Memeow met another Marine Corps Aviator, and Mommy would to be adopted by that man; Dick "K9"Kindsfater.  Yes sir, Mommy knows a thing or two about our veterans and what it means to give thanks on this day, because Mommy knows about sacrifice; MeMeow also.  But that's only a piece of what makes Memorial Day one to honor.  Memorial Day is about never forgetting those who would give their lives to protect this country at the cost of being away from their own families and loved ones.  It's truly a valiant calling and one that not everyone is cut out for... But those who are would truly be the modern day heroes of the free world and, living and dead, we honor them.

As it so happens my motorcycle club embraces this holiday also, in fact with many of its members being both active duty and retired military.  Guys like your Uncle Scotty, Mr Justin, and Mr. Bear.  Salt of the Earth Gentlemen who would give their lives for our country for the asking.  The least I can do is take care of them and see to it that they want for nothing, and so they come to stay with us while in town from South Carolina and Georgia - or wherever the hell they're coming from...

This weekend in the DC area is a pretty big deal, Son.  Literally hundreds of thousands motorcyclists ascend on the city to create the World's largest rolling memorial known as "Rolling Thunder".  In honor of that, each year for the last nine either me and Mommy or Uncle Nelson and Aunt Devin have hosted our out-of-town guests and culminated the great ride with a BBQ for the masses...  And each year I'm reminded why I'm so blessed to be the man that I am and know the folks that I know.  Each year I'm humbled by theses men who, if you never asked them, they would never tell you about their service.  They would never tell you about their sacrifices.  To them, it's a job to do and for all the right reasons, or so they hope!  But to us, to civilians with families and jobs and hobbies and whatever else, those men (and women) are the reason we can sleep safely in our beds at night.  And we should be ever grateful to them for that.

You come from a long line of family members on both sides of your genealogy who've proudly served this country, Conor.  And though I never served, regrettable as that may be in hind sight, I can at least try to make up for it by being ever vigilant in my support of the US Armed Services, and what's more, making sure you are as well.

Please always remember to honor and respect those wearing the uniform, Son.  They'll appreciate it...

I love you, Conor.
-Dad

Hot Summer Nights

Day 164:

Summer is here, Conor.  It's hot today, Son. Or as they say in Mommy's hometown, "It gonna get close ta'day!"  Meaning the Sun is going to be close to the Earth, thus heating it to a point of "Dear God, it's HOT!"  Today fit that bill.

Sadly we had a memorial service for a man who served his country well, and lived his life according to a very simple set of guidelines.  "Have a great time.  If you're not, do something else."  My friend Rick Sayers was a good and decent man, and one I didn't have the opportunity to know well enough, Son.  And more over, one you never met...  But what  guy.

Rick rode with your Uncle Scotty from Beaufort, SC to the DC area at least a half a dozen times.  And each time, he was just happy to be here.  Life was simple for Rick.   "Have a great time.  If you're not, do something else."

We'll all miss Rick, Son.  He was a good man. One you should have known...

In his honor, and for the sake of having a great time with really good people whom made that ride with me, but moreover for Rick, Mommy and I had the guys back to the house to drink beer, eat steak, and have a really great time...  All your Uncles - Scotty, Doug, Bear, Daubert, Nelson, and Ziggy a lll came to see you and to have fun and to really enjoy themselves - and I'm all to happy to accommodate that.

Tomorrow I'm riding to the Wall, Son.  For the 9th year in a row - a ride I vow to not ever miss as much as I vow to never miss an entry in this blog.

Conor, you're it, Son. And I love you.

Always-
Dad

Getting Strong Now....

Day 163:

The title of tonight's post seemed appropriate given your fighting spirit and the those three words being the chorus of a song about a fictitious fighter named Rocky Balboa...  He never quit, Conor, and clearly, you don't either.

The nebulizer treatments have been taking hold and you're getting clearer and clearer with every breath.   Your energy seems to be at full go while your sleeping just as you always have - in fits and starts.  We'll see how tonight goes, Son.  Though certainly I wouldn't suspect it'd be any worse than the previous three nights.  Time will tell...

It's a big weekend around here, Boy'O.  I'm doing some riding tomorrow to go and meet your Great Uncle Scotty and friends Bear, Justin, JD, and Nelson... The purpose of this ride though is a bit more heavy than simply hopping on the bikes and heading for country roads and green fields.  No, sadly we're gathering together to bid farewell to a friend who recently lost his fight to Cancer; my friend Rick Sayers. Perspective and realization is everything Conor, and nothing heaps that upon already worried shoulders like the passing of a friend or loved one.

Rick was as good and as kind a man as I'd ever met.  I started riding motorcycles with him back in 2005, though only a couple times a year at best.  Still, he was the kind of guy that, when you saw him, it was as though you'd been right there all along.  Warm, inviting, friendly, and kind...  God Bless, Rick,

I'll be thinking about the path of the Lion Heart tomorrow, Son.  About how proud of you I am and how your tiny determination is yet unmatched by anything in this world...   Yes Conor, you'd a loved Rick, and he you.  He would have recognized your fighting spirit as he was a man full of the same, though in Rick's case his adversary was just too strong...

Keep healing, Boy'O.  You're just getting started and you have some growing to do...

I love you, Son.  Now and forever...
-Dad

Time Heals All...

Day 162:

...That's all we can hope for anyhow, Conor.  That the old adage "Time heals all wounds" isn't just a clever expression but rather a fact of life.  In the case of the common cold, well, those wounds seem to linger on endlessly...  A cold is annoying enough, but for an infant it's just a dammed curse.  This whole 'not being able to breathe out of your mouth' thing just makes your regular breathing so labored it's maddening... And short of a nebulizer every 4 hours and shoving a ball siring up your nose repeatedly, I'm unable to help you and I hate it.

We went back to the daycare today and your care giver, Mrs Zeny, said she would have no problem administering the same medications... It seems to be working, but not fast enough for my liking... Anyhow, as long as we keep up with the treatments for the next few days you should be back to your old self in no time... And that's to say, a kid who can breathe!  But you're otherwise still smiling and eating, so I suppose it could be worse!

Here's to getting back to 100% growth mode, Boy'O.  I love you, Son.
-Dad

Battle Tested and Weary

Day 161:

Tough day today, Boy'O.  This chest cold is testing the mettle of the Lion Heart.  It's a total drag to feel as though you're breathing through a honeycomb, and the trouble with infants and colds is, your body hasn't yet acclimated to the need of breathing in through your mouth due to the suckling action required to feed, so each and every breath is labored through a narrow passage filled with a rather unpleasant obstacle; snot.

I made the decision to work from home in an effort to be near you and give you what you need without having to worry that you're not getting it at the day care.  What's more, you needed to go back to the pediatrician today so they could see if the nebulizer was doing its job.  Unfortunately, it's not enough.  Now you're being masked with this contraption every 4 hours or else we run the risk of it becoming an infection... Ugh!  What a drag, Son.  You don't like that loud, grumbling machine any more than I enjoy putting your little face into it's plastic mask.  No fun...

Still though, the news wasn't all bad.  In fact, quite inspiring!  The Doctor on duty, Dr. Howell, said she is most impressed with your resilience...  She made note of your alertness, how happy you are (ever smiling, Boy), the oxygen levels in your blood.  She even said to me, as you took gargling breath after gargling breath smiling all the way, that THIS - what you're doing in so far as being alert and inquisitive with no loss of appetite - is not normal.  Not amongst preemies and not amongst full term kids.  Encouraging...  The Lion Heart will not be held down.  Maybe now she'll also believe as we all do...

Late in the evening when your mother came home, I needed a break... A motorcycle ride!  Only one problem persisted - rain.  And lots of it.  But you know what, Son?  Sometimes you just gotta say "what the ........... ?" and go...  And so I did!  Now then, let's hope I don't catch whatever it is you have by weakening my immune system through riding in a pouring, cold rain...

Off to bed, Son.  Need some rest.  For Ill be up in 2.5 hours to give you another nebulizer treatment!

Love ya, Boy'O.  Get well soon...
-Dad

The Doctor Will See You Now

Day 160:

Rough night, Boy'O.  What started out as a slight cold has turned itself into heavy chest congestion and is making breathing for you absolutely miserable.  You continually woke up, though never with a fever, just a labored breathing and raspy cough.  Your throat is bothering you so you're not crying, but you are restless and crabby...

Mommy broke all the rules and brought you to our bed around 4:00am; the idea being to keep an eye on you and see to it that you get some sleep.  It seemed to work because you slept through until the 6:00am alarm.  After that it was a matter of getting you an appointment with the Pediatricians at Pediatric Partners of Fairfax and getting you there.  Mommy was able to open her calendar a bit and so she decided to take it..

Being as how it's my duty to take you to daycare each day I've grown accustomed to doing so.  Walking out the door for work with little more than my briefcase felt odd.  Naked even...  I thought about so many things on my way to work, Conor.  Normally I share a quick anecdote with you about whatever I hear on the radio regarding the Redskins, the Nationals, the Capitals, whoever.  I'm a hometown kid at the end of the day, and this habit is a kind of introduction into my passion for sports and competition.   I hope you one day share this passion with me son.  Whether it be racing motocross, playing baseball, riding skateboards, or extreme basket weaving, I want you to be passionate Conor.  Those who are typically find what they're looking for...
eh hem, tangent......

So, to the point of telling you a story each day about a moment, a player, an iconic figure, what have you, I heard something on the radio and I wanted to tell you what I thought about it, but you weren't there...  I said a little prayer that you're feeling better tomorrow and that we'll be back to our old ways; me and you driving down the road...

By the time you and Mommy had gotten through the Doctor's appointment, they'd run a battery of tests on you to ensure you didn't have RSV, then after shoving what could have been a hundred tools up your nose ultimately determined it's just a bad chest cold and the only prescription is a nebulizer and Children's Tylenol for the sore throat.

These last 5 months have been ones of a myriad of new experiences and wild, pendulum like emotions I never knew I could ever experience.  I've learned so much about myself, Son.  You've taught me a humility I would have never known without knowing you.  I've also learned that I can be rice-paper fragile or as powerful and as unstoppable as a freight train.  Today was a day of high emotion as well as great thanks.

I'll end tonight's piece on this note, Conor.  From NICU to now you've powered through tubes and censors and monitors and  surgery and doctors and nurses and things that can be so daunting!  But only now have you caught your first little chest cold, not exactly a show stopper for the Lion Heart.  Impressive really, and certainly beatable...

Feel better, Boy'O.  I'll be administering your nebulizer again at midnight and then, with any luck, you'll wake up tomorrow with a clear head, an open chest, and we can get back to talking about the Redskins...  There's an OTA tomorrow you know... More to come.

I love you, Conor.
-Dad

Feeling Yucky is No Fun

Day 159:

It's a tough time for you right now, Boy'O.  Guess we'd been lucky so far in that you've never been really been sick, but whatever's gotten a hold of you has gotten you so congested that you're hardly able to breathe... And that's such a lousy place to be, Conor... Especially because there's absolutely nothing anybody can do for you except let you hack it out.

You're sleeping okay and you're still eating good, but you're congested and your little voice is hoarse.  It's tough to endure as parents because we simply feel so helpless.  All we want to do is take it all away...

Not much else to say other than "get well, Son."  I love you and can't wait 'til you're back to your old self again.

I love you,
-Dad

The Lion Heart Fights What He Cannot See

 

Day 158:

Pretty sure it's nothing more than Spring allergies, Boy'O, but to be sure you're a congested and stuffy little guy.  It's clearly made your throat sore too because your cry has turned into a slight wimper unlike anything I've heard from you before...  Unfortunately there's not much either Mommy or me can do because you're not allowed any kind of cough medicine, and beyond that you're not running a fever of any kind... Just snot and congestion.  Yuck.  But you'll get through it.  You're the Lion Heart after all...

Good news is, you've not lost your appetite... That would be an indicator of a child with something more than just a fight against pollen.  No sir, in fact at one point you took a big bottle and then, within an hour, let me know it was time for another!  Over 10 ounces for you in 90 minutes or so?  That's BIG for you, Son.

Otherwise it was a day of chores, Conor.  Weeding, raking, mulching, painting, fixing... Productive Sunday.  I did manage to get out for a bit on the Harley though.  The morning would be perfect to get out and run the bike, and so I did.  Someday you'll join me on that morning ride, Son.  I'm sure of it.

I love you, Conor.  Feel better, Boy'O.
-Dad

A Long Walk Cures All

Day 157:

Tough night last night, Boy'O.  You didn't quite make it the most pleasant evening, not really getting down until after 1:00am... After that though, you slept pretty good.  Still a bit fussy this morning and still with a little of the spit-ups going on, it was a fair enough challenge just to get you to take the bottle.  But after you got all settled in, still a bit fussy, I decided to take you for a walk while Mommy took a nap.  I thought maybe that would work, in terms of getting you to relax... Well, it did!  You loved it.  Only I didn't know how long of a walk until we got started.

Today was an absolutely spectacular day weather-wise, Conor.  Sunny, warm, dry air, a bit breezy.  Ideal...  When we started walking a thought came to mind... "What is a long walk?" I thought to myself.  Of course that's a relative question.  Just ask a Cherokee Indian.  But for me and you a long walk would be something more than a quarter mile.  Today we walked over three miles, and with terrain too!

For most people a three mile walk isn't so tough.  That's not the case for your old man, Conor.  I've got a janky knee and a pair of bad ankles... Walking is enough, running is as painful as a root-canal, and uneven terrain guarantees a 20 minute ice down at the conclusion of the walk.  But today, I didn't care.  And you couldn't have been happier!  We walked more than an hour and at a good pace, too.  As good a workout as I've had in some time!

When we got home I took a long shower, wrapped an icepack, placed it on my knee, and took down a large glass of water along with three Advil.  And it was absolutely worth it!

In other news your Uncle Justin and Aunt Marti had some news today... They got married!!! It was a surprise to even me, Son ,finding out well after the fact.  Though it would seem a trump to Hawaii is in the works to celebrate this union in a year or so... Stay tuned, Boy'O.  Hawaii is one of the 12 states I've not visited.  And for you, well... The two states you've known, Virginia and California, are a pair of good ones, but I promise you we're gonna see a great many more  -including Hawaii...

That's all for tonight, Son.  I love you, Conor...
-Dad

The Lion Heart Gets Sick, Too...

Day 156:

Uneventful start to the day, Son.  Not so much in the afternoon and evening but by the time Mommy'd finally gotten you home you were spiking a fever over 100 degrees...  And as far as we know that'd be the first time your temperature has ever been above 98.7.  You were fussy... Not only that but you were spitting up a pretty good bit, Son.  More than is usual, anyhow.   Never the less we had a last minute invitation to have dinner with the Landers.  It'd been a few weeks since we'd seen Nathan, Andrew, Aunt Jen and Uncle Paul and they were excited to see you!

The night would not be that easy...  You would fall asleep, wake up, fuss, cry, fuss, fall asleep, wake up...  Pretty much everybody, including Mr Rob and Ms Jess, were taking turns holding you, rocking you, swinging you...  EASILY the most cantankerous you've ever been, Son.

By nights end you would sleep, but only in the arms of the willing holders.  It's late now, or at least as late as any other night I've written you.  Still, even getting you home and settled was a production.  Here I sit, 1:15AM, yawning... Zonked Conor...

As best as I can tell your fever broke and your appetite is back.  Guess I can't ask for more than that.
I think tomorrow will be better than today, don't you?

Love you, Conor.
-Dad

And Sometimes a Day is just a Day

Day 155:

Conor my Son, somedays there's just not that much to talk about... Not even for me!   The weather on this day was even more glorious than the last, though that doesn't much matter when you spend your whole day in an office building.  I dropped you off this morning and then trudged off to work-  "Conor needs a new pair of shoes!"

Well, the day would be uneventful on all fronts.  A day in the office.  A day away from you.  No great adventure awaiting us at the end of it all... Just another day at the office.   And for you, another day, another chance to grow.  But that goes for all of us I suppose.  We all grow each and every day...

Forgive my boredom on this day, my Lion Hearted son.  But somedays there's just not much to say except, I love you.  And I do, Boy'O.

-Dad

A Fine May Day

Day 154:

After a few days of heavy rains and washing away the thick Spring pollen of Virginia, cloudy skies gave way to a sunny, Spring day.  The whole way to daycare, Conor, we drove the back roads of Oakton; windows down, air washing over us both, and a few good tunes to kickstart the part of me that coffee can't... My soul.

By the time we'd reached Ms Zeny's daycare, we were wide awake and ready for the day!  And when I walked you in to the daycare house and you saw your caregivers, you smiled and lit up the room... I can't say it enough, Son.  The most attractive thing about any person is their smile, and your smile is as good as it gets, Boy'O.

Admittedly it was tough to make it through a full day of work... All I could think about was NOT being in an office.  The kind of day when "Landscaper" sounded a whole lot better than "Director of OEM Accounts".  In fact, a MILLION times better...

Fortunately plans were made for your old Dad to take a motorcycle ride with a some great friends after work.  Following a brief errand I hurried home, let the dogs out, jumped on the Harley-Davidson, and exploded into the evening.  In truth my favorite time to ride is dusk, Son.  The sun isn't beating on you, the air is still warm, the shadows are cool, and the heavy aroma of blooming pines and honeysuckle is rich in the air.  As my bike reached speed on the highway the warm Spring air wrapped itself all around me I couldn't help but smile.  You're always on my mind, Son.  You're always there flashing me that big, Lion Heart smile.  And when I'm riding my spirit bounds, my troubles disappear, and my thoughts become uncomplicated and clear.  And there you are... Smiling.

I arrived home safely and without incident, though missing you as it was long since past your bedtime.... Though Mommy confirmed what I already knew, you were perfect.  You're a great kid, Conor.  Many adventures await, Son.  And I can hardly wait to share them with you...

I love you, Boy'O.
-Dad

Laugh Often, Smile A Lot

Day 153:

With each passing day I see a baby becoming a thriving little boy.  No longer are you knocking right out in your car seat once situated and moving, as was the case previously.  No, now you're enthralled with all that's around you.  Mommy managed to find a really great toy that stretches across the width of your car carrier and Son, you've never been happier.  One of the toys on the contraption is a small spinning rattle.  As we made our way to day care this morning, all I could hear in the seat behind me was that clanking, janky rattle... And I loved it.

It seems each time I look upon your face, all you're doing is smiling.  And now the giggle?  That giggle is infectious!!  Smiles and laughter... We could all use a bit more of that...

It was also my pleasure to pick you up after school and head back to Tysons Corner to one of my favorite restaurants, Flemmings Steak House.  One of Mommy's colleagues, Bill Hayes, is in town and well, it was his turn to buy!  Aside from Mr. Bill's overwhelming "WOW" reaction to you, you were as quiet as a church mouse and twice as pleasant.  A glass of wine, a great steak, some excellent conversation around the NFL of old, and me and you were packing up to head back to the house so as to let Mommy and Mr. Bill talk a bit of business.

You're just a joy, Son.  At every turn you're an absolute joy.

I love you, Conor
-Dad

Has it Been 5 Months?

Day 152:

It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.
--Francois Rabelais

Time certainly is the father of our truth, Son.  For as many warnings as one can receive, you can never fully appreciate the the expression "it goes by fast" as it relates to children.   Certainly though, they'd be true.


These last five months have increased the speed of my life 10 fold, Conor.  I've watched you triple in size to this point, a remarkable and nothing less than spectacular feat for such a once small boy.   From 3 lbs. 11 oz. to somewhere closer to 14 lbs., and in the span of only five months, watching you grow before my very eyes is as awesome as anything I could have ever imagined.  On the day you were born I could hold you in my one hand; your butt on the heel of my palm, the center of the back of your head resting comfortably on my middle and index fingers.  One hand was all it took.  Now??  Well, now it's a two handed job, no doubt!  I can still hold you in one arm, but now that body of your extends all the way up to my shoulder!  Unbelievable...


Though growth comes in more than just your appearance, Boy'O.  Your personality is certainly starting to show and I've no doubt you're going to be larger than life.  Your smiles and excited squeaks...  You're already trying so hard to talk!  Two things about this point...

1. No one is surprised by this considering you're the Son of Shane and Sara Yerkes
2. We could be in for it... A just-due as far as our parents / your grandparents are concerned

No matter.  So long as you're aware of what you say and willing to stand by it, talk all you want.  As a wise old Grandfather once said, "This world does not suffer fools, Son."  

Day by day the feat of your life stands to provide yet another amazing moment, Conor.  The once small, Lion Hearted warrior of the NICU is now a growing, thriving, handsome little boy.  Conor the Lion Heart.  Conor an chroí Lion.

I love you, Son.

-Dad 

A Mother's Day

Day 151:

As important as any holiday on the American calendar, Son, Mother's Day is one that in fact, every single person can celebrate, even if every person doesn't.  We're all born of a Mother, Boy'O, and most all of us, but boys especially, find our mothers to be our first love.  Certainly, that should be celebrated.

A Mothers' first celebration for the namesake of this special day is as honorable and prideful as anything that woman has done to this point in her life, if not a million times more-so.  Still, as is the case with most things, you just don't understand the brevity of it until you're living it, and prior to having a child of your own you realize all you've been doing for some time is taking for granted that your Mother is your Mother, and she's the only one you're ever going to have...  Heavy?  True...

Enter the Lion Heart...  Without any question, you, as is every child born into every family, are as great a gift as any we'll ever receive in this World, Conor.   And for my part I have your Mother to thank for that.  I will forever be grateful and I will forever celebrate this day, as much as any other, for your mother giving me, you.

To that end, it was an appreciative and celebrated day, Son.  Though truthfully, not unlike any other day... Aside from a gift as a token of appreciation and a card from me and you, we made our way through the day as we would any other Sunday; working together to see to it that you're happy and healthy, and maybe having a glass of wine or two along the way.

As it turned out we went to meet your Uncle Doug at Pearmund Cellars in Fauquier, VA and enjoy the fine Spring day.  And as is usually the case while you're in tow, you were unequivocally the hit of the party.  For there were many Mothers celebrating this special day, and some of those with their children, but your smile and good spirit can light up even the largest of outdoor patios and just about everybody there made a comment on just how handsome you are; something else I attribute to your Mother.

So Conor, we say Happy Mother's Day to Mommy and thank you.  Thank you for being the Mother you are, and thank you for this greatest gift... You... Your life.  Thank you...

I love you, Son.
-Dad

Sunny Days, Breezy Nights

Day 150:

What a day for the Lion Heart, Boy'O!  You and I once again had swimming lessons this morning though Mommy stayed behind to get a few things done at the house.  Today was absolutely magnificent as far as the weather was concerned, Son.  A bright and breezy Saturday morning and me and you making our way to the pool, windows down, music up, both of us smiling.  Not surprisingly you were an absolute joy once again... And without being able to take instruction for not being able to understand the commands, you instinctively keep your arms out and kick your legs to cruise the water.  Even the instructor was impressed, saying she'd never seen such a young student work as hard!

I now know what it means to beam with pride for something far greater than my own accomplishment, Conor... And all you did was use basic instinct to kick your legs... Though the whole pool noticed while yet the majority of the other kids, ages 14 months to 3 years did little more than cry...

I'd love to tell myself that you're simply more advanced than the other kids though knowing full well you're simply doing what human instinct tells you.  Still, you didn't cry and they did...  That says something...

Following that it was off to meet the new life of some old friends, Melissa and Josh's new daughter, Hudson.  She's quite the shining gem, Conor, and undoubtedly someone you'll know for many years to come.

That's all for tonight, Boy'O.  I love you very much.
-Dad

Conor Has a Laugh

Day 149:

Today was one of those "day of firsts" Son.  Today was a day when you, for no apparent reason, just suddenly began to laugh!  It was bar none the sweetest thing I'd ever heard...  And in fact it came after I'd startled you with a clap.  In simply clapping to get for attention, you immediately started giggling the likes of what neither Mommy and I have ever heard.  And it was great in a way I can't explain.  Just another big, huge step that, in a few weeks, will be just a memory as you'll be giggling all the time, but today it meant everything.

Your Uncle Doug came over and we all sat on the back deck drinking copious amounts of really, really  good wine.  It was such the beautiful night, Conor.  And you were just as happy to join us until you couldn't keep your little eyes open any longer and off to bed you went.

Though to start the day, I have to say, I was most impressed with your exuberance!  If only I could carry that level of excitement into my work day, I may even be an overwhelming success.  Alas no.  I only feel that way when I see you smile - just like you did there.

I love you, Son.  Always and forever and completely unfailing.  I love you.
-Dad

The Lion Heart Rests

Day 148:

Wow Conor!  Talk about an experiment that paid off!  It was decided last evening that perhaps we should get you to sleep earlier and start to follow the routine of "growing babies need at LEAST 10 hours of sleep", so at 8:00am, down you went... And down you stayed!  Not a peep... And when you finally came around this morning you pleasantly opened your eyes and simply stared at the ceiling, waiting patiently for either Mommy or me to come and get you...  We're getting a bit later start on your bed time this evening (so much for routines, eh, Conor?) as nobody even got home until after 7:00pm...  Then it was a bite to eat, a bath, and down you go...  The Lion Heart is a growing boy and needs all his rest, no doubt.

On another note, your little cousin, Andrew, is pretty sick, Boy'O.  He's gonna be in the hospital a few days to make sure he's getting well, but maybe we better say a prayer for Andrew too... Believe me, Son, we can all use a prayer now and again.

Not much else to report, Son.  Beautiful Spring day in NoVA, and made all the better by spending any time at all with you.

I love you...

-Dad

A Steady Wednesday

Day 147:

Steadier day today, Conor.  Things went pretty smoothly getting you out of the house this morning, and though we found out that you're more than amazing Ms. Zeny - Day Care Specialist extraordinaire - is MOVING!  I almost went into full on panic mode, Son.  Like, WHAT???  But I'm told to not worry and that they're getting a house close to the existing place... Alls well...

What's more though, today was the 1st day it was decided to put you to bed "on a schedule".  Let's see how that goes.  I fed you a bottle between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and put you down to sleep... You refused. Not surprised at all by that, but okay, you eventually closed your eyes and fell asleep - where you are now.  Will you make it through the night?  Time will tell...

By the time I'd gotten you down to sleep and gotten myself downstairs to turn on game 6 of the Caps v Rangers series, the Caps had already scored a goal and were well on their way to forcing a game 7 in New York on Saturday...  Truthfully, it was all I could think about on my ride home, Son.  A chance to watch the Capitals creme the Rangers on home ice to force this next game - and for as abysmal as Washington DC sports have been over the last several decades, the Caps are bringing some hope, Boy'O. Sure be cool if they could sep it going!

That's all for tonight, Boy'O.  I love you, and I missed watching the game with you tonight, but a solid schedule for you to grow and thrive is more important than any hockey game... At least right now.

-Dad

24 Hours of "Dad"

Day 146:

Well buddy, Mommy has been hammered with work the last few days and that means that she's needed our help...  I gotta give it to her, she manages to keep her cool when it comes to balancing work and you, but even she's not able to manage getting you ready when she's up and at 'em at 5:15am.  All that said, I got up at 6:30am, followed my routine including taking care of the mutts, and THEN woke you up.  It worked out okay!   And of course, you're such a joy in the morning that you almost made all the hurrying enjoyable!

By the time I'd gotten you to the car for the ride to school you were jabbering away like a monkey in a tree, to quote Forrest Gump.  In fact, you sat back there chattering the whole way to school!

Mom's back at it again tonight so we've been hanging out kinda letting her do her thing, though she's determined to finish her work and get you upstairs for your bath and bottle...  And it looks like now's the time, Son.  Off to bathe and bed with you!

I love you, Boy'O.
-Dad

So Close, and Yet So Far Away...

Day 145:

As hard as we work to achieve most anything, Conor, defeat is always only a moment away.  The trick is to stay ahead of it.  To be more resolute.  To make fewer mistakes and to outwork the competition - be that a person, an object, or a team... In this case, the New York Rangers...

My Washington Capitals have been playing so well in the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs, Boy'O.  To be sure, Washingtonians, both native and transient, have been so tremendously proud of the Capitals and their effort to take the Cup.  Though I'm afraid an exceptionally poor play with less than 30 seconds left in the game may have well cost the entire effort.  A high-sticking penalty on Ward at a face-off, with only a few moments to go, gave the empty netted Rangers a two man advantage of the Capitals, and with 6 seconds left on the clock, the Rangers scored.  With the penalty being a Double Minor, Ward drew 4 minutes in the box which of course bled into the overtime...  And having barely come back to full strength at the conclusion of the penalty, the Rangers scored again...

The air came out of the room, Conor.  You and I, watching the game together, Mommy long since retired to bed, and an otherwise quiet basement... Suddenly the announcers erupt, The Rangers danced victoriously across the ice, and WOP!  Reality...  Now the Caps are down three games to two with game six coming back to DC on Wednesday, and we have to win it...  Lose and you're out.

All because of one, small high-sticking call late in the game.  One mistake.  That was all it took...

Things like this are always a good reminder of this lesson to me, Conor.  But be sure you understand this lesson as well, Son.  The first time you learn it is the worst.  Defeat, disappointment, vulnerability.  If it's something you truly love, you'll vow to not make the same mistake and then hold yourself accountable.  Believe me, you'll want to.

There's a head load of philosophy for you, Boy'O.  The bottom line is though, losing sucks.  And it's true, you can't win them all.  But if you work hard and minimize your mistakes, when the pressure's on you'll come out on top more than not and in this life, that's all anybody can hope for.

You were a model citizen tonight, Conor.  Napping through the game til the moments mattered a little more.  At which point I promptly scared the crap out of you while hollering at  the television.  Still, not a tear.  The Lion Heart is tough... Perhaps a hockey player?  Time will tell...

I love you, Son.
-Dad

Sunday of Silence

Day 144:

Today was a day spent in a quiet house, each person, dogs included, silently milling about, suspiciously so, on the fact that some nimrod working on the Verizon FIOS box (FIOS is a service I've no doubt will no longer exist when you're old enough to read this, Son, but it's how us turn-of-the-century fogies watch television and utilize the world wide web) disconnected our terminal in looking for another and then never put it back in the right place.   No television to turn on for back ground noise, no internet radio for my iPad player, bupkis, Boy'O.  While the lot of us performed the family chores, twas a quiet house.  That was until you decided to start howling for an hour or so.

It would have appeared you simply had gas as administering some drugs to combat gas in infants seemingly cure you of your ails.  You kinda crashed out for a bit only to wake up fussing again... This time, I had an idea though...

Having just done a good deal of yard work while Mommy was tidying the inside of the house, I was filthy dirty and ready for a shower.  your fussing was gaining momentum and so I thought, to myself "What's the one thing that Conor loves the most??  Water!"  So I held my own personal experiment and off to the shower we went...  To be sure it was a bit difficult to hold you in one arm whilst showering and bathing you with the other.  But having never been in the shower, you LOVED it!  The only gaff came after I'd finished washing you, shampoo ran down my head and chest and when I tried to get you from one arm to the other, what did I do??  I dragged your face straight through the shampoo... And where do you suppose it went?  Yep.  Right in your eyes, Son...  The once happy shower was now a panicked dad trying to wash the shampoo out of a screaming child's eyes and suddenly I felt as guilty as I ever have for any crime I'd ever perpetrated in my life.  Though true to the Lion Heart's form, after a minute or so, no harm no foul.  The crying stopped and hot water took over and peace came back to the room...

Aside from the shampoo mishap and the realization that it's a lot harder to bath a baby while holding him upright in the shower, the experiment was a success!  You stopped crying, relaxed, and found your way to a clean outfit and a long, much needed nap.

It's off to bed with you now, Son.  And I don't suppose I'll stay up much longer myself.  But tomorrow's a new day, Boy'O!  And tomorrow night something else new and exciting may have happened!  And I'll be sure to tell you all about it.

I love you, Son.
-Dad

Come on In! The Water's Fine!!

Day 143:

When I was just wee lad Conor, my Mom had me in the pool upon arriving to the steamy hot summers in Chicago.  I couldn't have been 5 months old; about the same age you are now...  Several weeks ago Mommy signed you up for "Baby and Me" swimming lessons at Oak Mar Recreation Center in Oakton, VA, and I have to tell you I'd been looking forward to going ever since.  Today was my turn in the water with you, and next time will be Mommy's.  None the less the idea came to her based on how you've always reacted to the bath; and that's to say, quite positively!  Well, you sure didn't disappoint today, Son.

The instructor immediately bee-lined to us and said something about your being so small; clearly doubting the abilities of the Lion Heart.  I paid her no mind at all and we got into the circle with the rest of the parents and their children.  We went around the circle, each parent pronouncing the name of their little one, and then began the lesson...

Not surprisingly to me though perhaps to every other parent- and for that matter about a dozen other people simply walking by marveling at the little dude swimming like a big kid- you did AWESOME.  On your back, head against my chest, your arms splayed out naturally and your little legs kicked and kicked... Then, when it came time to turn you over on your belly while keeping your head just above the water, you did even better!  The water would hit your face and you would shrug it off, legs ever kicking.  Just a great introduction to the pool, Boy'O.  And as I said, among the 10 or so kids and their parents in the pool, you never even gave a fuss.  Meanwhile others were crying, kicking, screaming... But not the Lion Heart... No sir.

And all that was just to START the day, Boy'O!  After getting home I gave you a bath while Mommy ran an errand or two, then we geared up and headed out to Little Nelson's 1st Holy Communion party... And from there it was off to Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Paul's house to see Nate and Drew for Drew's little welcome party.  And talk about a place I never thought I'd see myself, Boy'O??  There were about 20 adults and around 30 children... Outnumbered and outmatched, the mayhem of the later afternoon and screaming toddlers gave way to a rather peaceful evening... That evening culminating now, Boy'O.  It's off to the rack for me, Son.  And you're already there.  Sound asleep following your big, big day.

I love you so much, Conor.  You make me and Mommy so incredibly proud...
-Dad

A Day Out

Day 142:

What a day for you, Conor...  Aside from the late start getting to school, you basically spent the whole day out of the house.   At the end of your day, Mommy picked you up and brought you to see Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Paul, Nathan, and Andrew, and Paul's Mom, Ms. Lee.  As for me?  Well, I went out and met the guys I ride motorcycles with, though in my heart of hearts I wanted to be where ever you are...

None the less, Mommy told me you had a great time hanging out with all your local extended family, and particularly Ms. Lee who wanted to do nothing more than dote on you and adore you as well as her own grandchildren, Nate and Drew.  Sounds like a good day, though I wouldn't know 'cuz I was there...

When I finally got home I went up to check on you and make sure you were snug as a bug in your bed, though I know you would be in Mommy's more than capable hands.  Still, I just had to have eyes on you, if only for a moment.  For I'm more proud of you each and every time I see your face, than anything else I've ever done in this life, Boy'O.

I love you, Son.  More than you'll ever know...
-Dad

Readjustment

Day 141:

So Boy'O, we've all made the readjustment to returning from vacation, finding our routines, and pushing forward; you included.  Seems you were a little off kilter last night, Son.  Ended up going to bed at 11:00pm as opposed to your usual 9:00pm.  Makes sense considering the time swing from the West to the East coast.  And then this morning you were as perky as ever - though I can't say the same of me and Mommy.  Though after we got into the groove of our respective days, the seas laid down and it was back to sailing the ship due East, proverbially speaking of course.

So much so that Mommy got hammered at work and wasn't able to get out of there with enough time to collect you from Ms Zeny's, and so we orchestrated a rendezvous point between Ms Zeny's and our house so that Mommy could gather you in whilst I ran off to run a much needed errand; haircut.  Yes Conor, I was starting to look a bit like Wolfman Jack!

It was a quick recalculation of our days, but not impossible.  Especially considering people do it with multiple kids all the time!  Pretty sure we can manage you, Boy'O...

I love you, Son... That's all for tonight.
-Dad

Conor Watches the Chase for the Cup

Day 140:

Wow Conor... And I mean WOW!  Okay okay, let's start with the day...  Having finally gotten chance to spend more than 4 hours in my own bed in more than 7 days, what with my travel to both Orlando and then NorCal with you, Mommy, and MomMom, I was barely able to open my eyes this morning, Son.  When I finally got you to Mrs. Zeny and made it to work, I realized I was so jet-lagged I could hardly deal with myself at work.  Complete sentences were a challenge...

By the time lunch rolled around I was finally able to formulate a complete thought; and not a moment to soon because it was a busy, busy day.  Alright so, the work day comes to an end, I pick you up from daycare, get you home and changed, and around that time Mommy came home with an armload of groceries...  So I make dinner, grab a plate, and down to the basement to have a bite with you and Mommy while watching Game 3 of the Rangers vs. Capitals... That was 7:30pm.  It's RIGHT NOW 12:07am, the Caps are in their THIRD overtime in a one to one (goal) game, and every single person who walked into the Verizon Center is still there... This game is CRAZY!

What's more, you showed no interest in closing your eyes 'til the end of the 2nd Overtime!  Even the Lion-Heart couldn't get enough if this playoff hockey!!!

And the Rangers won...............  You could hear the air come out of the stadium.  Ugh.

Off to bed I go, Son.  We'll get 'em next time...

I love you.
-Dad

The Journey Home

Day 139:

Vacations seem to take forever to arrive, Conor.  Though once they finally do come along the time flies at an unbelievable rate.  It seems we got into Healdsburg, said hello,  drank a glass of wine or two, and wished our friends a fond farewell.

Today when leaving Healdsburg we decided to take MomMom on the scenic route of old San Francisco and up into the Presidio area of the city.  Not all the turns were the right ones but we made it.  And no surprise the weather was once again perfect which of course made the drive even that much more pleasurable.

Once we made SFO it was quite the effort to get you dropped off, checked in, boxes and luggage packed, rental car returned, trains back to the airport following dropping off the car, a security line that bordered on what air travel looked like in the weeks following September 11th, 2001... I mean to tell you, Son, it was madness.  By the time I walked up on the gate to meet you guys, United was  toward the end of boarding the flight.  I was sweating like mad by the time I'd finally boarded!  Though once aboard and away fro the gate, it was simply a matter of a nice flight home. Fortunately luck was on our side and so we didn't end up having to hold you the entire time as the middle seat was open and so we kinda made you a small nest to nuzzle into, and off to sleep you went.

As I sit here typing this, I'm exhausted, Conor.  Planes, trains, and automobiles can be fun for a minute, but you get over it pretty fast.  This will be the first night I've spent at home, unpacked, in what feels like an eternity, and tomorrow it's back to work...

I love you, my Lion Hearted Traveller.

-Dad