A Happy Boy

Day 169:

It's truly amazing to see how far you've come, Conor.  And I know, I know, I know - you've not yet begun to fight!  And certainly I'm to be impressed with every little thing.  After all, you are my only child and a child is, without question, any person's most crowning achievement.

Lately I've had some time to think and to take stock in the man that I am as well as to wonder about the father I'll become.  I'm acutely aware of my shortcomings and will boastfully reveal those; I'm not a man of incredible pride.  If I believe a flaw can be fixed by simply having a conversation, I'll gladly do so.  Conversely, I'm keenly aware of my strengths - some of which sit right out in the open, others are more benign and thus hidden.  But I know them.  And I believe I know how those strengths and weaknesses will manifest themselves when it comes to you and my being a good Dad.

I've heard from numerous people with children both young and old, you'll forever second guess yourself when it comes to child rearing.  Every decision carries with it a direct impact to the boy you'll be as well as the man you'll become.  And I've no doubt that's a self fulfilling prophecy.  Truly...  However, I also believe people who are raising children or who have raised children, do so with the quiet courage of their convictions... Meaning, they're brave enough to do what's right despite the pressure to do something that's not.  Parents believe in their decisions at the time they're made.  Some decisions are made once and they're final.  Others are made over and over again.  Conviction...

I believe my parents made all the right moves when it came to me and my Brother and Sister, Son, even if they don't.  I believe that I'm the man I am today based on those things and that nothing about my life could or should be different than it is today.  And I'm not a wise man, Conor.  By all accounts, I'm still young and eagerly have much to learn.  Though I am determined, Son.  I am steadfast in my beliefs.  I know my strengths are incomparably strong and my weaknesses are out in the open, but I can shield them if need be.  And I now know what my Mother, your Mom-Mom, means each time she says "I only want you to be happy."

I truly get that now, Conor.  I only ever want you to be happy.  And you will have cloudy days, Boy.  We all do.  Something as simple as a meeting not going as planned to something as complex and as difficult as managing your emotions when we say a final farewell to a friend or loved one.  But life is not about the cloudy days, Boy'O.  Life is about the next day.  Life is about how you respond to the bumps in the road. Life is about happiness, Son.  And you are a happy boy.  It's my job to see to it that you stay that way...

I love you, Conor.  You're the happiest boy I know... Thanks for that.
-Dad