Busting Out

Day 237:

You, Conor, are coming into your own, Son.  Day by day a little bit more of that personality comes out.  This morning was one that saw you awake and raring to go as the rooster crowed.  This evening heard giggles and continuous laughter from the time you walked in the door and right up and through bath time.

I believe yours will be one charisma and happiness.  You're seldom unhappy and when you are, it's simply because you're ready for a little something bigger than a bottle; at least these days.  Still, you're seemingly always laughing and making happy little coo's and giggles.  Whenever you see me, from no matter how far away, you smile.  And each and every time I melt a little...  I know it won't be like this forever, but for now it's all I need to make it through each and every day.

Life is good, Conor.  It's full of good things and good people and good sights and good music and good times.  And truth be told, I never knew how good life could be until you came along.

As for the last two weeks treating me like you treat diapers, I'm on the up and up, Boy'O.  Feeling better save for a spot of congestion and a nagging headache...  But by the weekend, I should be 100%.  And it's a good thing too, because I have a TON of things to do in this house!

Off to bed, Son.  I love you.
-Dad

Beating Back the Bug

Day 236:

After almost exactly two weeks of muddling through this bug or infection or whatever it is, I'm FINALLY back to my old self!  (Minus a bit of a raspy voice).  I feel better, am eating better, breathing better, and coughing and sneezing far less.   But as predicted, Mommy now has the bug!  She saw herself at the doctor's office this morning and is on a set of scripts all her own.  Meanwhile you're as healthy as you've ever been and eating like a champ!

In other news, I got your Chevy Tahoe back tonight!  Sister Tahoe is all cleaned up, dent free, polished and shined, and almost as good as new...  Which, for a 7 year old truck with 130,000 miles on her, is impressive to say the least.  She's been such a faithful steed, Conor.  For as much as I enjoyed driving the Suburban for a week, I really like our Tahoe and am happy to have her back

You know Son, with as much as I've talked about being sick and staying positive and working hard and anything else I could transfer as a lesson of life, I'm almost at a loss for words tonight...  Just tired and ready for bed.  Sometimes, you just have to put your mind to rest.

Let that be your lesson tonight, Boy'O.

I love you, Conor.
-Dad

Sicky Sunday

Day 235:

While I awoke several times through the night coughing and wheezing, Mommy did her best to both ignore me while also ignoring her own developing cough.  And though she made it through the night, the morning would be vastly different.

When I finally came to after mucking through night sweats and hacking coughs, I awoke feeling much better.  Seems the medications I picked up yesterday evening were getting the job done.  Though because Mommy wasn't prescribed the same, she would receive no such reprieve and in fact, we simply switched places.

I've stayed steady with the meds and my ills have definitely subsided a great deal; despite the cough and  mild congestion, I feel fine.  But Mommy still has a ways to go and may even be heading to the doctor tomorrow.  It's all wait and see for her now.

As for you, well, you're just generally congested it seems.  We keep giving you the nebulizer treatments and they seem to work for a time, but you're forever fighting something.  Never the less, your pediatrician seems totally unconcerned and simply attributes your seemingly never ending cold to day care.  One thing is for sure, it's not affecting your mood or your growth, so I guess I'm not all that concerned with it either.

So here it's been a solid two weeks for me being ill through work, through our vacation, and through everything in-between, but it would seem that I'm back.  And just in time, too.  For tomorrow, I'm up at 5:30am and we're walking and running, Son.  Yes sir, I'm "Reshaping Daddy" (or a similar title), a new blog I'm going to begin writing, also daily, talking through the workout and dietary habits of a man who's committed to reshaping himself.  The days of over indulgence are coming to an end for me, Conor. It's time I set myself set-up for longevity.  And Mommy says she'll be joining me in my efforts, just as soon as she's healthy...

Change is good, Conor.  Especially once you realize the problem is you.  Then it's simply a matter of fixing the problem, right?  So here's to dropping 40lbs, Son.  And living a longer, happier, healthier life with the Lion Heart.

I love you, Conor.
-Dad

The Sick Get Sicker

Day 234:

Homecoming day, Conor.  It was time to pack up and leave the beach... Unfortunately I'm still sick, and lemme tell ya, Boy'O, I've never been this sick...  Coming up on two weeks I've had this thing!  Whatever it is...

The drive out of Sea Isle, New Jersey took far longer than usual as it was detoured through a more central area of New Jersey to see the Smith family Matriarch,  Ms. Dani Smith; Mommy's Grandmother.  Sadly Grandma Dani is in the care of professionals as a result of advanced Alzheimers, and so the visit was all to brief for Mommy, MeMeow, and Grandpa K9.  Though she's evidently in very good hands and Uncle John frequently visits his Mother.  For as difficult a situation as that one is, it would appear this is the best possible solution, and so there's piece of mind which, in my opinion, is invaluable.  As for me, I stayed outside with the dogs so as not to leave them in the hot car!  Still, I sent my best as they all disappeared into the bright and lively building.

When the trio made their way back to the vehicles, off we went to cruise South bound in the direction of home on the I-95 corridor.  Fortunately the traffic flowed and there were no real hiccups getting home.  Unfortunately however, with each and every mile I felt myself getting a little sicker and a little weaker...  It would become one of the longer rides I've ever taken as I was coughing and hacking the whole way home.

I know I've mentioned in previous posts that I seldom get sick, and the general consensus amongst men with children is, they go to daycare and they come home to give you anything from a common cold to freakin' Typhoid.  And because of the birthing relationship between child and mother and the sharing of an immune system, you and Mommy seem to be impervious to it all!  Meanwhile,, I'm being handed my hat by bugs and bacteria alike and quite frankly, I'm over it.

No sooner did we pull into the driveway and unload the vehicles, I was back into the Suburban and off to INOVA Urgent Care.  Nobody can tell me what I have, as I've already been through a round of antibiotics and to no effect.  So the Doc upped the medicine to a stronger antibiotic, prescribed some crazy cough medicine in pill form, and a nasal decongestant to blast up my schnoz...  If this doesn't get it, I suppose I've got cause to be concerned.

Regardless Boy'O, the power of positive thinking can overcome a lot more than the common cold.  Since you've been in the World, I truly believe I've turned a corner in terms of working through positive thoughts, loving more, forgiving often, and letting go the disappointments of the past.  I've been known to be a pessimist, Conor.  A doubter.  Somebody who struggles to find truth...  Be they interpersonal situations or a crisis of faith, makes no difference.  Until you decide to make the change, until you find a way to dedicate the time to something greater than yourself, no counselor, no book, no philosopher, and no religion will ever amount to a hill of beans.  Illness and physical self is no exception.  So maybe, just maybe, this outlook gets me on my feet again!  Though I'm sure the medicine will help...

Fingers crossed and positive vibes, Conor.  I'll be right as rain in no time flat...
Out with the bad, and bring on ALL the good!

I love you, Son.
-Dad  
      

A No Win Situation

Day 233:

It's been an up and down vacation for me, Boy'O.  I've spent the better part of two weeks fighting some kind of illness and, where I normally would find a way to beat it back and / or ignore it, this kinda thing can be more than just fighting a bad cough.  Especially when you're on vacation...

It was another day of dragging my feet today, Son.  I've tried hard to put this behind me and find a way to enjoy myself but at every turn there seems to be yet another obstacle in my path.  But that's okay, Boy'O.  While there are those who would allow themselves to be taken down by the little bugs, I refuse to go quietly...

Yes, I spent the better part of the day in bed, resting, rehydrating, and letting my body jump into overdrive to do whatever it could to chase thing out.  Meanwhile, Mommy was at the beach and your Mom-Mom and MeMeow were here to look after you while I tried to rally for one more good night.  I finally got up and moving around 2:30pm and just in time to see your Uncle Teddy, Aunt Margie, and cousin Max who stopped by to visit for a few hours.  By this point, aside from a sore throat and a bit of a runny nose, I at least felt as though I was capable of having a great time tonight.

The whole house packed up and headed over to the Gallo's for dinner and drinks.  With both the Gallo's and the Rummel's little guys now out of camp, and given all the adults and our festiveness, it was a packed house!  Kids and parents and grandparents and friends at every turn...  But we of course made the best out of it... I showed Tyler the art of the full stretch and how to throw a slider, worked with Emily as to how to take care of you or someone your size, and even worked with Porter and Bowman on their tennis swings!  In between coaching though, I managed to have a cocktail and join the guys for some great conversation... Throw in some Frogmore stew and a key-lime pie, not that bad of a night...

It's interesting to me how many are reading this blog, Conor.  I'm often surprised when someone simply says, "I read your blog to Conor.  It's great... I hope you can keep it up!"

After 233 straight days, not getting it done is not even an option.  I'll hold up my end, Son.  And as matter of fact as this forum is, as candid as I can be about you, what you mean to me, how you impact my day or my life or even my outlook on life, I know full well this blog is not perfect.  I'm anything but an English scholar and in fact I think I've only re-read maybe 5 or 6 of these posts.  If spell-check doesn't pick it up, grammatically speaking, neither will I.  Having said that I've received some constructive, if not unsolicited, advice from a few folks and to be sure, I take it all in stride...

The fact is, writing is an art and art is expression.  Plain and simple.  I'm a humble man, Conor, and I can take constructive criticism and advice.  About this forum I write to you or anything else in my life that could use direction.  But to be sure, there's a level of courage it takes to put your thoughts into words and once it's down and published, there's absolutely no taking it back.  Nobody is more aware of that than the writer.  Nobody.

It's the effort in the art form, it's the courage of your convictions, it's dedication the likes of which many will never, ever know.  It's love, Son... And whether or not my punctuation is always perfect, or if I capitalize the wrong word, or if my sentence structure isn't grammatically perfect, or my capitalization is off, it really doesn't matter... Not to me anyhow.  And certainly not in a blog that I write without the benefit of an editor.  No sir, I do this because I love to do it and because I love you.  I do this because in my 39+ years, I've started a great many things I've never finished.  Some I regret, others I don't.  But when I met you, Conor, and when I started this blog from a Virginia NICU in the dead of Winter in an effort to keep my mind clear and focussed, both on you and the task at hand, I started something that, short of death, I will assuredly finish.

When it's all said and done, on December 14th, 2012, I will take the day to culminate my thoughts of the year.  I will finish this project and I will be proud.  And at that time, I'll turn it over to an Editor.  A PhD in English Literature from Catholic University, who'll correct the many, many mistakes before these 365 days of thoughts and love make their way to a hard back book of which you'll be presented on December 14th, 2032 - your 21st Birthday.  By then, the only two people who'll ever have cared about what's been written here, will be me and you.

I love you, Conor.  So very, very much.
-Dad

Under the Boardwalk

Day 232:

Today was really the first day in the week we had a plan, Son.  Mommy and I decided to meet Karen and Rick Sterns, Jen and Kate, and their kids for a day on the Ocean City Boardwalk for putt-putt and pizza to start the day, and so we gathered the troops and headed out for the boards.  The afternoon would see us spending a day on the beach, and the evening would have us for dinner at the Sea Isle City Yacht Club.  Not to bad...

There's something so nostalgic about walking the boards for me, Son.  See, I never went to camp.  Not ever.  For many people it's the one reprieve their parents would receive each and every year.  The opportunity to live kid-free for a week or two and get back to what got them there in the first place!  And for many people being dropped off and left to their own devices when they were kids was as much a learning experience as any they would ever have in their youth.  I suppose to each their own, though I wear my camp-free lifestyle like a badge of honor, Son...

In my day, we as a family were together Nationwide.  From Illinois to Texas to Florida to Virginia to Pennsylvania to New Jersey to Montana and any where else we may have gone, we were never left to our own devices or the responsibility of the camp counselor.  But we were always made to be inventive.  I believe this is what's made me the man I am, as I'm sure camp is to so many others.

I loved life on the road.  Traveling.  Driving.  Riding.  Seeing new places as a young lad as well as in being an older man, and I've never second guessed why it's so easy for me.  It's obvious.  Meanwhile, it's just not for others...  And that's okay.  It's not for everybody.  But for me, seeing the World is tantamount to only one thing; being your Father.

Never the less, in our tripping across the country during the Summer months from both Chicago and Houston to the East coast and mid-Atlantic, you learn to entertain yourself in a multitude of ways.  Be it reading, road games, songs, map study, whatever.  It's camp in motion.  I remember the red clay of Alabama, the Carolina pines, the Blue Ridge in Tennessee, and the boards in New Jersey.  So today while walking those boards with you, the same boards I've been walking for all the years I was a lad, to all the years Mom-Mom has been living in Ocean City, NJ, having you there brought me back... And in a big way.

I've no idea what route I'll go with you when you're finally at a point when you can decide to go to camp or not - or rather that you'll want to.  If that's the case I'll certainly accommodate.  But given my druthers, I see us traveling the country and the World, Son.  The day you were born I promised you Patagonia and Antarctica, and that's a promise I intend to keep.  And when I think about it, we can go much, much further than that.

I love you, Conor.  Thanks for each day, Boy'O.
-Dad

Day of the Dad...

Day 231:

I went bed in an effort to beat this thing really early last night, Boy'O.  And I slept hard.  But not in a good way... In that "I'm sick and working on kicking this illness back to whence it came" kinda way... Sweats, coughs, shakes, the works...  When you started crying at 4:50am I was still in no shape to manage you so, like the trooper she is, Mommy hopped up and went downstairs to your room in an effort to get you back to sleep.  Rather than rocking you to sleep and coming back to bed she simply elected to snuggle up with you in one of the twin beds and catch a few more Z's there...  The next thing I remember I heard those excited early morning Conor squeaks coming from the other room, and at 6:30am Mommy was up and getting you ready for a bottle...

Thankfully, I felt better.  Still not my old self, but certainly strong enough to offer reprieve.  And after 2 days of taking the brunt of the work, it was time I manned up and got to work.

I sprang out of bed, threw some water on my face, grabbed you away from Mommy so she could enjoy her coffee, fed you a bottle, gave you back to Mommy, walked the dogs, fed the dogs, made a list and went to the grocery, stopped at Mallons to buy some homemade sticky buns, came back to the house and snatched you away from Mommy once more to change you and get you settled into your car seat so we could head off to breakfast with Jen, Katie, Rick,  and Karen, got you packed up and out the door, and all by 9:00am!

I fed you at breakfast, fed you at home, laid down and took a nap with you during the early afternoon thunderstorms of the day, and then it was off to the beach, Son.  And we were just getting started!  After a little better than an hour at the beach, it was back to the lab to get ready for the nights party, and guess who did the grillin' and the cleanin' for 20 people?  That's right, Boy'O!  Yours truly...

Now Conor, I'm not talking through all of this to throw myself on the sword of endless chores.  For many people, that kinda day is a daily thing.  No, rather I'm recounting the day and thinking about how happy it makes me to do for others in the rare occasion I have the chance.  On this day, Mommy's vacation was taking a turn toward the worst and I really wanted her to have a day to herself, and so I did my best to give that to her.

Now here I sit, alone and relaxed.  You're in bed and dreaming, Mommy's deck drinking with the ladies, everybody else is next door, and I'm doing my favorite thing in the world; writing to you...  And as soon as I'm done here, it's another early night for me, Son.  This day took it out of me!

I love you, Conor.
-Dad