Here, There, Everywhere, and You're Always On My Mind

Day 43:

I had much to do today, Conor, and unfortunately much of it wasn't with you... Today was a day filled with meetings and running around from place to place. Driving through Northwest Washington DC I passed right by the hospital I was born and of course, I thought of you...

In many respects having gotten to know you these last six weeks feels a bit like you've been here all along... It's comfortable and it feels right. You're no doubt a part of me just as you're no doubt a part of your Mother. And realizing there have been, literally, hundreds of millions of parents ahead of me who've found they're way, it feels as though this experience is totally unique, all my own, and only I could ever know what it's like to have such a beautiful little boy - one who'd I'd prefer to spend all my time with always...

Then there are times when the realization sets in you've only just arrived. That this journey is just getting started. Real life. Truth... The World keeps spinning and people go on about their business. Careers move forward, life's experiences shape us all, and parenting becomes a part of the norm. How new this all is and how absolutely comfortable you are to me. The concepts are diametrically opposing. In any other of life's scenarios, nothing as new and as life altering should be so easy to adjust to, and yet the birth of a child, the birth of my Son, feels as though I know just what to do no matter the situation. I also realize that won't always be the case. That there'll be times when I just don't know what to do. But I know I'll figure it out. I believe it'll all work out because it has to. I believe that in the end, it'll all be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end...

Yes Conor, from time to time life feels as though it can get away from us. You get overwhelmed. Think about all the stresses of anything from a list of chores to how to approach your career and how to provide for your family. In those times, I call my Dad - your Pops. A man who's been there. A man who I trust implicitly. In this life he's the only one who gives it to me straight, come what may. No sugar. Whatever comes out of his mouth is what he thinks. There was a time in my life when this approach felt abrasive and inconsiderate. As if he could never understand what I was going through or how to manage it. Though what I've come to realize is, a strong dose of truth followed by a bit of criticism and topped with some Fatherly advice is exactly what a Father is supposed to do. And for that I respect him and I love him and I take every opportunity to let him know... My Dad, your Pops, is both my Father and my Friend. And if that's all I ever am in this life for you, I will have lived a good life.

Conor an Chroí Lion. Conor an múinteoir. Is breá liom tú i gcónaí.
Translated from Irish -
Conor the Lion Heart. Conor the teacher. I love you always.

Goodnight Son.
-Dad