A Quiet Saturday

Day 116:

It was a pretty light and easy Saturday, Conor.  And actually, I was so fortunate to be able to spend some real quality time with you, Boy'O... Like, just me and you!  Early this morning Mommy got up to head to the car dealership to deal with a tire problem.  MeMeow was feeding you but you didn't seem to want to take the bottle so after a few bounces, a burp, and a small crying fit I found you to be hungry again.  Spending time with you, whether it be feeding you or otherwise, is as good as it gets, Son.  All the small expressions, each cocked eyebrow, furrowed brow, and lip pout is all starting to mean something and of course, the longer I sit with you the more I understand...

After getting you fed this morning it was time for a change of both diaper and clothes.  After getting you all sorted out we started collecting ourselves for lunch out with Aunt Jennifer, Uncle Paul, Nathan, and Andrew.  The timing was such that when your Mother returned home we were all but ready to roll again, and so off we went to the Mad Fox.  Lunch was nice... Good conversation, old memories, new plans.  Plans with you and the Landers boys.  Plans with MeMeow and Grandpa K9.  Just good conversation.

Lunch was short lived, though with an 18 month old (Nathan) who needs a nap to keep his energy up, that was to be expected.  So back to the house we went.  Upon returning home and with nothing else on the radar, everybody decided to take a nap!  Everybody except me and you.  Yep, instead we sat on the couch watching the Nationals vs. the Cubs.  Our first baseball game!  Kinda monumental considering baseball was the sport I grew up playing... Anyhow, during that time I could hardly watch the game.  For you were the most awake of any of us!  Once again kicking and coo'ing and chirping those little boy noises.  We must have played for an hour before we were both just through... I picked you up, laid you on my chest, and off to sleep we went, Son.  The Lion Heart loves nothing more than the sound of a heartbeat as he snoozes away the afternoon.  And who am I to deny you that?

All in all the day was spent loving on you, Son.  Me, Mommy, MeMeow, Grandpa K9, Uncle Paul and Aunt Jennifer... Even Nathan got in for a little snuggle action with you!  You're so loved, Son.  And to be sure, you can never get to much love.

Speaking of, I suppose this is a good time to tell you I love you.  And I can't tell you enough.
G'Night, Boy'O...

-Dad

A Day with Friends

 

Day 115:

Ah Friday, Boy'O.  The end of the work week, the beginning of the weekend, and on this Friday, a time to hang out with a bunch of bikers!  That's right, Son.  My MC, the Chapter 40 Boozefighters, came to the house tonight for two reasons... To meet you face to face, and to have a meeting in planning for upcoming rides, parties, and events.

Typically we get together on the 1st Friday of every month and in those gatherings we determine what the next several weeks and months will hold.  But on this occasion, the guys were here to meet the Lion Heart.  Only one problem - you were cantankerous Conor tonight.  Seems you were intent on doing nothing but fussing and eating, eating and fussing... All night!  Alas, the guys didn't get to spend as much time with you as they might have liked, but they were happy to have met you none the less...

As well, your Grandpa K9 came back to town and was so pleased with your growth, Boy'O!  You've done so well on the growth curve and today at the Pediatrician's office you weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds, 9 ounces and 19.6 inches!  Just barely in the growth chart, but gaining speed, Son.

That's all for tonight.  But tomorrow is a new adventure and, like today and the day before - I can't wait!

I love you, Son.
-Dad  

Wide Awake

Day 114:

As it turned out, Conor, your Great Aunt Mag decided to stick it out one more day!  Once again it was the tag team of MeMeow and Great Aunt Mag to take care of you for the day, Son.  And the report was, you'd no interest in getting any kind of sleep today!  Turns out you were awake the better part of the day and right up and to bringing you to your first bath in 5 days (had to be careful about bathing you because of the incision), you were bouncing, smiling, coo'ing...  Any day now you're gonna bust out laughing, I just know it.

It was a beautiful day today, Conor, so when I got home I decided we needed to go for a good long walk.  And walk we did!  Me and you, Boy'O... And as we strolled you were wide eyed and inquisitive.  Your eyes were darting back and forth and all around to check out trees, power lines, birds, you name it!  By the time we got home, I'd say after about a 30 minute walk, out you went - for about 5 minutes!  No sooner did you close your eyes, they were open again.  Something you MeMeow calls FOMS; or Fear of Missing Something.

The house is quiet now.  Mommy's bathing you, the Smith Sisters are helping with the dishes and prepping your bottles, and here I sit, red wine in hand, Bob Dylan on the radio, just punching away on this keyboard.  Words you won't read for 20 years, but I don't care.  Life isn't about the big things, it's surely about the little things, Conor.  And in the end it's the little things that all add up to what was your life.  And for me, I could write to you every day...  That'd be a good life, indeed.

All my love, Son.  Always...
-Dad

The Lion Heart meets the Easter Bunny

Day 113:

It's the last day your Great Aunt Mag will be here with you, Boy'O, and to be sure there's a bit of a melancholy mood in the house.  You've so enjoyed spending time with your Great Aunt Mag and MeMeow, and I think it's funny how they bicker over who gets to hold you, feed you, play with you.  One thing's for certain, Son, you've not wanted for attention a single moment since MeMeow and your Great Aunt Mag have been keeping a watchful eye.  But it's not a bad thing to be spoiled by love...

You're doing quite well considering your operation only a few days ago, and I don't believe the wound is  really affecting you at all.  Day by day you seem to get a bit "happier" and certainly more goofy.  Those big doe eyes of yours get more and more expressive, and these days you're coo'ing and "talking" so much, it's just remarkable.  I'm waiting for that first big belly laugh!  I think I'll melt when I hear it.  I know I will, actually...

Mommy worked from home early in the day today giving way to a lighter workload in the afternoon... This afforded her the chance to get out to the mall with your MeMeow and Great Aunt Mag for lunch and a visit to the Easter Bunny!  Turns out Mommy was set on getting your picture taken with this gigantic bunny, and MeMeow offered to pay for the pictures, and so what you see here is what transpired there.  Of course I think it's cute; why wouldn't I?  But it's also funny in that you're such a peanut in this giant rodent's lap that when I saw the picture I burst out laughing!  You're to much, Boy'O.  And day by day you get to be even more.

I love you, Son.
-Dad

No Stopping the Lion Heart

Day 112:

The surgery was a success Conor!  In my post yesterday I'd mentioned you'd come through the procedure just fine and were in recovery.  Well, between getting you together, travel time to the hospital, the procedure itself, recovery time, and finally travel time home, the entire ordeal turned out to be about 30 hours.  The majority of that time was spent monitoring you for any post-op complications, allergens to the anesthetic, sleep apnea, etc.  Needless to say, it wasn't a restful time for either Mommy or me because we were both watching you like a hawk; to hell with those machines!

The Children's Hospital Center of Washington DC is amongst the best in Pediatric Surgical Services.  In conversation with several of the nurses and attendings, turns out Children's Hospital will do on the order of sixty to seventy surgeries per day!  Yesterday turned out to be a light day in that you were one of forty.  Not only that, but because you were the youngest patient of the day they slotted you first.  That's right, Boy'O, you were the very first surgery of the day...  This I thought was great!  You wouldn't have to wait longer than needed, you'd be in recovery sooner which of course meant you could eat sooner (no food or drink six hours prior to the procedure equals one very fussy Conor!), and your Surgeon and Med / Surg team would be as sharp as they'd be all day!  Though despite all of that, there was a hitch in your pole position on the surgical board, Son.  The hitch was, your recovery room was "Room 1", directly in front of the nurses station and in the heart of everything!

Of course, Children's Hospital Center is a hospital for, you guessed it, CHILDREN!  Children who, following their own surgeries, were in pain, confused, nauseous, upset, scared, you name it...   And to sit in that recovery room where all around us were the buzzing sounds of nurse chatter, beeping machines, radio calls, and worst of all the hysterical and unconsolable cries of young children, was no fun... Needless to say, it was absolutely heartbreaking...  Though to your credit, and in typical Conor fashion, nary a fuss.  In fact, the only time you seemed to open your mouth in protest was to simply let us know it was time for you to eat!  Also not surprising, you once again became the Don Juan of the Ward.  Every nurse, and even some patient's parents wanted to come by and see this beautiful, smiling baby boy they'd heard so much about.  You were a hit!  And in fact, your charge nurse yesterday went home at 7:00pm only to return at 7:00am today for another 12 hour shift.  Only she arrived at 6:30am because she said she wanted to come in and see you again before we were discharged at 7:00am!  

Conor the Lion Heart - Winner of Hearts and Minds

Around 6:30pm yesterday evening they finally moved us into a much larger, much more private room.  Multiple televisions, two fold out chair / beds (horribly uncomfortable pieces of crap, but I'm not complaining!), and a quieter space for you to rest and recover.  Though to be sure you didn't seem bothered by the noise as is usually the case with you.  I think in two days I slept a total of 4 hours.  Both in anticipation of my Son going under the knife - especially at such a young age, and the total lack of comfort in staying in those chairs.  Though here I sit, pleased with the outcome of the day's events, sipping a Jameson's whiskey, all but ready to retire.

I'm proud of you, Son.  You're stronger than I give you credit for and you have, once again, taught me so much in such a short period of time.  Incomprehensible, truly.

Rest up, tough guy.  I love you.

-Dad

A Tough Day for the Lion Heart

Conor Pre-Op                                                                                    Conor Post-Op

Day 111:

An early day for you today, Conor.  Mommy was up and running at 3:15am to give you your last bottle before the operation, and as soon as she was done feeding you it was my turn to get up and tend to your dogs, start loading the car, and fill up every possible travel container we own with fresh, hot coffee...  What's funny is, when I finally got to you at around 4:30am, you were wide awake and raring to go!

We were rolling at 4:45am and determined to get to Children's Hospital in DC early.   Sue enough, when we finally pulled into the parking garage -empty.  Place was like a ghost town!  But by the time they took you back, this place was buzzing!  Little boys and little girls from all over are here for special surgeries which can only be performed in med / surg facilities like this one, and you were the day's first patient!

The Anesthesiologist, nurses, surgeon, and surgical students all came by to see you and answer any questions.  When it was eventually time for you to go it was so very hard for Mommy... For me, it was truly difficult  to see you being carried away by the Anesthesiologist, but for Mommy the Doctor had to all but pry you from her arms.

You know Conor, Samuel Taylor Coleridge once said, "For mother's sake the child was dear, and dearer was the mother for the child."

I can honesty say that of the few things I unequivocally "know" in this life, it's that a mother's connection to her child is both incomprehensible to any man and unbreakable by any person.  And no scientist, nor Shaman, nor cosmic event could ever explain otherwise.  To watch that Doctor pull you from Mommy's arms was as heartbreaking a thing as I've ever seen.  And again, I don't mean to be dramatic.  I realize there are Mothers who endure far worse and go to far greater lengths for their Children.  To be sure, we're very blessed.  Especially given everything our little Lion Hearted boy has come through to date; despite your early arrival your troubles are few... But everything in life deals in its own set of circumstances, and knowing there was even a micro fraction of a chance you don't survive the operation, your Mother- if only for a moment- came to pieces.  And then, as a only a Mother could, she rallied for strength on your behalf and waited patiently for your Surgeon to give us the outcome.

When the surgeon finally came to us in the waiting room, the report was excellent!  She simply closed up the hernia with a small incision just below the abdomen and while they were in there ran a camera over   to the other side just to be sure you didn't have a matching one on the opposite hip.  All clear!  you came through smelling like a rose, Boy'O.  Not that we expected anything less...

I'm proud of you, Son.  You performed exactly as I expected you would.  Like the Lion Heart you are.  And now it's a matter of monitoring and healing while you once again rest comfortably in your Mother's arms.

I love you, Conor.

-Dad 

An Anticipated Sunday

Day 110:

As I sit here listening to the bluesy rock sounds of Jimi Hendrix, I'm fighting through a spot of the blues myself, Conor.  Knowing this day has been coming since not long after we left the NICU, I've not been willing to so much as think about this day for fear of how it'll make me feel.  For tomorrow morning you'll be undergoing a surgery to correct an Inguinal Hernia.  And you know Boy'O, modern medicine affords us much.  In fact, without modern medicine your very existence would have been in jeopardy!  Certainly I'm thankful for all that's given to us as we move forward in the age of Aquarius; the age of science.  And for all we've heard about how common this procedure is and how little concern we should give to the outcome, none of it matters.

Tomorrow we're going to be trusting your life to the hands of people we don't know in a hospital we've never visited.  I've no doubt the fine folks at Children's Hospital in Washington DC, one of the very best Pediatric Hospitals in the World, will do a superb job.  None at all.  But the thought of not being there to hold your hand while they anesthetize you, or what the procedure entails in so far as the incision, the operation itself, and putting it all back together... The thought of having to make even the tiniest cut into your otherwise perfect little body... Well frankly, it's eating me up.

Like any parent, you just don't realize what having a child actually means until that child is resting safely in your arms.  You also don't realize how absolutely selfless you can be with regard to wanting everything for your child no matter the cost, right up and through your child ever experiencing an inkling of pain.  And this is not machismo, Boy'O, but I promise you, if your hernia could be corrected by my having to endure the same surgery without a gram of pain medication, I'd do it.  And I'd never give it a second thought...

I don't mean to be so dramatic, Son.  I've now spoken with about a half dozen parents who've had a child endure the very same and they all say the same thing, "it's harder on you than it will be on him." and "it's quite common, Conor's going to be fine!" and while I appreciate the words of encouragement, there is just nothing that will ever take away my feeling of "dammit..................."
And I've not even mentioned your Mother - she worries twice as much as I do...

I have all the faith in the World you're going to be just fine, Conor.  I really truly do.  But my faith can't take away my angst.  My faith can't take away my feeling of needing to be there to hold you and be sure you're okay.  My faith can't heal you.  Though I do know, Conor the Lion Heart can take it.  And by late tomorrow morning I'll be looking upon your bright blue eyes, problem solved, healing begun, and I'll breathe again. Mommy too.

God bless you, Conor.  I love you Boy'O, and I'll be right there for you, I promise.
-Dad