Day 176:
Conor, this blog is written for you though it be read by many. I'm all to happy to write it and can't wait to one day go through it all with you. The idea of reliving the day to day events of an entire year is somewhat interesting to me... It's like a time machine, Son! Though at the end of the day it's really simply a blog about the every day happenings with you, me, your Mom, family, and of course, friends...
Today's post is one that is more reflective of me than you, Son. Though I can easily tie this all back to your beautiful blue eyes and bounding smile... Yes Boy'O, I believe the weight of the last 6 months caught up with me today and I had a kind of still moment with myself... That's to say, I feel like I've spent an inordinate amount of time hospitals, Doctor's offices, meetings with specialists, etc. Before you were born Mommy and me spent an awful lot of time between her usual Doctor and a wonderful specialist by the name of Dr Rodney McClaren. Then, once you were born well, you know that story. And please Conor, don't take this is me whining... Not at all the case. I'd do every single bit of it 100 times over for you. More even. But then I've had problems with my knee, some internal problems, extensive blood work for testing I needed done... Just a lot.
Now here we are on day five with our good friend, Ziggy, laid up in the ICU at Fairfax Hospital. I went today at lunch to see Ziggy, knowing full well he can't hear me, can't see me, and would never remember my being there... But I think it's important none the less... I think it's important to keep Ziggy's spirit company. To let him know we're in his corner. To urge him to keep on fighting. To let him know we love him, Boy'O. Seems I was the first person today to come and spend time with him, and so the nurses were happy to tell me of his progress. Lungs clearing, blood pressure leveling out, breathing less labored... She told me it would finally be time for surgery, Son. The doctors want to repair his pelvis and get to work on the rest of him...
As I walked out of the ICU I felt this intense pain in my stomach and in my heart. I never slowed, I just kept walking, and when I found myself outside the ICU ward I caught myself taking a deep breath. I simply needed to breathe.
These last months, almost year at this point, has worn on me in so far as how much time I've spent in and around hospitals, doctors, and nurses... And what's really weird is, I've never given this much thought before. I've ever been one to worry about going to see the doctor or getting a shot or hearing something that perhaps I didn't want to hear as it pertains to some reading having to do with my cholesterol reading in my blood... No Son, those things have never bothered me... But today was different. Today it felt like it all caught up with me at once, and it left me barely able to breathe for a moment.
Later in the evening I received word from a friend that Ziggy's surgery was simply scratching the surface of the damage to be repaired and that much, much more work needs to be done. I suppose for Ziggy's sake I was hoping for better news... Just heavy is all...
The one big blessing of the day was you, Son. It's always you. Mommy got stuck in traffic and so she asked that I swing by and pick you up which of course, I'm all to happy to do. By the time I'd arrived at Ms Zeny's you were all set and in your car seat, and that big huge Conor the Lion Heart smile you flashed at me, if only for a moment, took it all away, Son. As only you can...
Thanks for that, Conor. I love you, Son.
-Dad
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